1) The first paragraph gives you not a description of Basil but just says that Basil puts himself into the picture due to his interest in Dorian. It’s not a very a strong introduction; she needs to put her main topic/argument she’s trying to convey and then write a clear thesis. Someone who has not read “The picture of Dorian grey” would not have a clue what main point she’s trying to say. I feel she needs to write a few sentences describing Basil and his relationship with Dorian Grey.
2) She doesn’t have a thesis statement in either her 1st or last sentence in her essay. She needs to work on that in order to make her reader understand her body paragraphs.
3) There’s not really a clear main idea in each paragraph. It’s a bit confusing because in her first and second paragraph she writes about Sybil and the effect it has on Dorian. Their needs to be more details in each paragraph and have a strong/clear main idea in each paragraph. There is no main conclusion so far.
4) There are a lot of grammar, punctuation, spelling and word usage problems throughout her essay. There are also a lot of un-completed sentences she needs to fix which doesn’t allow me to fully understand her main ideas in each paragraph. For example: So Dorian wanted to stay that way forever but then he wanted_____. The tone of the essay is not formal yet. There’s also run-off sentences that needs to be overlooked at.
5) There are no sources identified. She needs to do so in her introduction. There is no proper in-text and reference format used.
6) Some strength’s this paper has is free writing some ideas down throughout her essay.
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ReplyDelete1) The first paragraph gives you not a description of Basil but just says that Basil puts himself into the picture due to his interest in Dorian. It’s not a very a strong introduction; she needs to put her main topic/argument she’s trying to convey and then write a clear thesis. Someone who has not read “The picture of Dorian grey” would not have a clue what main point she’s trying to say. I feel she needs to write a few sentences describing Basil and his relationship with Dorian Grey.
ReplyDelete2) She doesn’t have a thesis statement in either her 1st or last sentence in her essay. She needs to work on that in order to make her reader understand her body paragraphs.
3) There’s not really a clear main idea in each
paragraph. It’s a bit confusing because in her first and second paragraph she writes about Sybil and the effect it has on Dorian. Their needs to be more details in each paragraph and have a strong/clear main idea in each paragraph. There is no main conclusion so far.
4) There are a lot of grammar, punctuation, spelling and word usage problems throughout her essay. There are also a lot of un-completed sentences she needs to fix which doesn’t allow me to fully understand her main ideas in each paragraph. For example: So Dorian wanted to stay that way forever but then he wanted_____. The tone of the essay is not formal yet. There’s also run-off sentences that needs to be overlooked at.
5) There are no sources identified. She needs to do so in her introduction. There is no proper in-text and reference format used.
6) Some strength’s this paper has is free writing some ideas down throughout her essay.